Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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