No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
