Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
