Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize