I'm gonna have a badass scar
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
