Can i not drive my cunt home
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she smelled like a LAN party
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
