She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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