I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
