May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
