dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
