why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Couch. On fire.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
