He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
