This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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