Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
