She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
where are my eyebrows?
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