Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
