One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
