How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
