Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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