the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
