this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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