READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
bring money and cleavage
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
