remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
