I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
