Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
