I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
