it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
