she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
