There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
