Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
