Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
