A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
