You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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