As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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