We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
