smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
