i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
