I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
this just has baby written all over it
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
