That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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