I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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