No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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