I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
