Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
