I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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