PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
