thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
