She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
