Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
