So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
