I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
