his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
