just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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