I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
