I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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