I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
