I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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