Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
