he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
