you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
