Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
