drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
