He told me they were just razor bumps!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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